a meditation on useless baby gear

sometimes i sleep like a rock, & sometimes i have really bad insomnia. it doesn’t help that the baby has decided that my bladder makes a really nice ottoman. i got up five times last night to pee, which is pretty typical at this point. i know this is one of the most routine &Continue reading “a meditation on useless baby gear”

babies & cats: pretty much the same, right?

man. i took it upon myself to sweep the living room, which had not been touched in over a week. i did what i always do when i sweep the living room, which is close the closet door next to jared’s desk (he loves to leave it open, which is also his attitude toward allContinue reading “babies & cats: pretty much the same, right?”

relevant phrase: “on the topic of pelvic floors”

this morning i came the closest to throwing up that i have come in all my ten weeks & three days of being pregnant. & it wasn’t even because of morning sickness! it was because of a migraine. i have heard that some women who are prone to migraines have fewer symptoms while they areContinue reading “relevant phrase: “on the topic of pelvic floors””

the existential crisis prompted by filthy lucre

so, last week i talked jared into driving us to topeka to bask in the wonders of the baby industrial complex that is babies r’ us. but wouldn’t you know it? as soon as we pulled off the highway & into the city, the car started making this awful clunking noise & kind of shudderingContinue reading “the existential crisis prompted by filthy lucre”

yes, i have a gender preference

i’m over nine weeks pregnant at this point. i wonder if i will, at some point during this pregnancy, give it a rest on including gestational age in the first paragraph of every blog post i write. time will tell. but it’s actually relevant to what i want to write about in this case becauseContinue reading “yes, i have a gender preference”

on being a spinster

i am really starting to find it tedious when people ask me what my knuckle tattoos say (“spinster”) & then they gesture toward jared & say something witty like, “well, not anymore.” excuse me? are jared & i married? did we secretly get married & i just forgot about it? also, do you think that’sContinue reading “on being a spinster”

my life would probably be a better sitcom than “according to jim”

i feel a little better about the whole “prenatal depression” thing. i sat jared down & explained that i’m not feeling great emotionally & part of it is guilt about not keeping up with what i usually contribute in terms of housework & dinner. if it was just me living alone, i’d let the placeContinue reading “my life would probably be a better sitcom than “according to jim””

does this sound like prenatal depression?

maybe this will sound weird or ungrateful or something, but i think i have prenatal depression. the thrill of finally being pregnant wore off really quickly, & at first i thought it was being replaced by the panic of having to rustle up some funds to turn my house into a baby safe haven (auxiliaryContinue reading “does this sound like prenatal depression?”

how am i going to pay for this kid?

well, i’m like five weeks pregnant right now, & so far my primary symptoms are fatigue & extreme crabbiness. my doctor finally let me do another blood test on tuesday to confirm the pregnancy. i was 19 days post-ovulation by that point & my HGC levels came back at 1638. that’s a nice high number.Continue reading “how am i going to pay for this kid?”