I saw the oncologist yesterday & got the best possible news under the circumstances: she was aggressive when she did my cone biopsy & took A LOT of my cervix.She thinks she got most, maybe even all, of the cancer with that procedure. There were a few iffy spots on the margins, & in any case, I have adenocarcinoma, which can be sneaky. To be on the safe side, we’re going to follow through on a simple hysterectomy (just cervix & uterus) in February. Assuming the pathology on that comes back cancer-free…I will be DONE! No chemo, no radiation! I’ll just follow up with my regular gynecologist once a year! Obviously no more uterus means no more kids, but I’ve been making my peace with that for the last couple of months.
I am still recovering from the cone. It’s going pretty well, but recovery is just harder than I expected it to be. I finally sent Jared out yesterday to fill my Percocet prescription because I’m having a hard time dealing with the pain. It’s not bad if I just lay around & do nothing, but the last week has been busy, with his family visiting us for Christmas. The oncologist took out the sutures yesterday & I’ve been kind of miserable ever since. Just imagine sutures in your cervix. No fun.
This news is a big relief though, & I’m finally starting to look forward to the new year a little more. There are certain things that are still terrible (like one big orange thing that starts with T & ends with rump, which is certain to kill us all & I probably actually 60% believe that to be legitimately true), but I’m trying not to dwell on that. At least that is terrible for all of us together.
Now that I have a more clear picture of what I am working with, cancer-wise, I am trying to put my life back together. Things really kind of fell apart in late October. Not just because of the cancer. Also because of the infection I got, which now looks to be maybe an especially vicious bout of acute bronchitis. I am still recovering from that too. I got an inhaler a few weeks ago, which is an enormous help. But then I also sank into despair after the election & haven’t been able to bring myself to follow the news, which is really unusual for me. I glanced at the headlines in the “New York Times” this morning & it said something like, “Putin won’t retaliate in such & such a way against Obama’s action,” & I was like, “Wow, I have no idea what is happening in the world right now.”
I decided to start a bullet journal in an effort to get back on the ball of being a semi-functioning member of society. Any bullet journalers reading this? Holler at me, because this is my internet rabbit hole of choice right now. I first heard about bullet journals a couple of years ago, probably not too long after the entire concept was “invented”. But I found the whole index aspect wildly intimidating & was like, “Whoa, that is way too complex for me.”
Fast forward a couple of years & you don’t see me exactly having my shit together, do you? A few weeks ago, I made a coffee date with someone & then…just forgot about it. I don’t know what the hell I was doing instead, but whatever it was, I had let my phone die, so my coffee companion was calling & texting me & I had no idea. She legit thought I had to be in the hospital or something. Clearly, I need a more functional system that my current set-up of “write stuff down on the backs of envelopes & then forget & recycle them”.
So I’m taking the plunge. I’ve been experimenting with it a bit in a starter notebook & it’s just a really intuitive system to me. I’m actually writing things down! Like invitations Ramona is getting to preschool birthday parties, & library book due dates! (Let’s not talk about the fines I accumulated this year by forgetting when my library books were due & being too sick to walk to the library. I learned that the library cuts off access to your account when your fees get above a certain number. You can’t even renew books until you pay it down.) It’s really nice to have one central dumping ground for everything from people’s birthdays to ideas for projects I want to sew to books I’m reading to reminders about feeding the cat.
I’ve never been a big fan of pre-printed plannners/journals/whatever because there are always “features” I don’t use just taking up valuable real estate, & all the pre-printed lines & boxes are always a weird size for my extraordinarily tiny handwriting. With a bullet journal, I get to include what I’ll use & jettison the rest, & customize it to my own requirements. There’s the option to get all cute with it, with stamps & fancy headers & stuff (which I enjoy, to a certain extent), but ultimately it’s just about functionality.
So don’t worry, I don’t have plans to transform this blog into nothing but shills for acrylic stamps & photos of elaborate weekly layouts that take an entire afternoon to draw. Not that I am above admiring those things online.
I’m also not going to do any of those “top five” round-ups that are so popular in the sewing blogosphere. But I am hoping to be more on the ball with this blog in 2017. Not only do I still have garments I made as long ago as May that have yet to be blogged (some of which have been photographed & everything! I just need to write the posts), but I also have a million comments I’ve never replied to. I just want to thank everyone who reached out to me after the cancer diagnosis. I was literally overwhelmed (in a good way) by support. I’m really sorry if I never personally acknowledged your words. I will try to do better.