achievement unlocked: tap shorts & butterick 6031 underpants

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here’s some stuff i made in june & never blogged. nothing too special. another couple of pairs of underpants from gertie’s butterick pattern & a pair of self-drafted tap shorts. i cut the back of the blue underpants on the cross-grain by accident so the fit is not the best, but they’re wearable. the black jersey i used is really thin & silky, which is wicked comfortable, but doesn’t really stand up to wear that well. it’s fine for the tap shorts, which intrinsically have a looser, drapier fit, but it doesn’t work well for something that is supposed to be form-fitting, like underpants. areas of stress (like where the lace waistband attaches to the jersey) are kind of fragile.

the tap pants are a slightly altered version of the first pair i made, with the blue silky tricot. i raised the rise about an inch all around, & added maybe half an inch to the crotch depth. the result is a perfect fit. these have gotten a ton of wear over the summer, as pajamas or under dresses. i definitely plan to make more.

but for now, all my sewing time is going into my paper-pieced home quilt blocks. i am having a really hard time carving out sewing time. the house is still not completely unpacked. there’s not much left, but what is left is the more annoying stuff, that remains where it is simply because we don’t know where to put it. like a jar of silkscreening ink that i told jared to just throw away. he packed it instead, saying that it doesn’t hurt to have silkscreen ink around “just in case” (even though neither of us has silkscreened anything since maybe 2008), & it’s been sitting on a shelf in the living room for the last three weeks.

i’ve also intermittently been feeling really sad about the miscarriage still. i can’t even say for certain that i am ready to be pregnant & have another child right now, but the fact that i was & then i wasn’t is still hard to deal with. i mentioned it to some friends the other day & they just made pinched, uncomfortable faces. perhaps these faces were meant to convey, “that’s sad. i’m sorry that happened to you,” but it felt more like they were saying, “this topic makes me uncomfortable & i wish you wouldn’t talk about it.” i really feel like no one who hasn’t had a miscarriage really gets it. i feel like no one understands what i was dealing with physically & no one understands what i am still dealing with emotionally.

i did go back to the OB last week for a colposcopy. it went great, no cervical cancer, huzzah. plus she said i had the best-look cervix she had seen in months. “it should be photographed as the platonic ideal of a cervix for a medical textbook.” that’s a quote. we also talked about the miscarriage. she pointed out that i only had a suspected ectopic, & could have been in the process of miscarrying & already lost the gestational sac before the ultrasound was performed, which is what i thought all along. but since there was no way to be sure, i had to be treated like it was an ectopic, & now “ectopic pregnancy – unspecified” is in my medical chart. ugh.

anyway, she said that if i do happen to get pregnant again, i can feel free to come in for a progesterone level right away & supplementation if necessary, since i have a short luteal phase, which could explain the miscarriage. she also said she’d be happy to prescribe clomid whenever i want. which was nice to hear, even if i don’t know that i need it. two of my three pregnancies were total accidents. kind of funny that the only one i really had to work at was the one that resulted in my child.

anyway, i am sharing all of this because it made me feel a lot better.

i am also happy because it’s raining right now & actually a reasonable human temperature. i feel bad complaining because we haven’t had any 100-degree days this summer (this is unheard of for kansas–usually we have entire 100-degree MONTHS), but it’s been really humid & i have not been tolerating it well. the heat makes me tired & depressed, & that makes me a shitty mother & partner. i wish i could live in a climate that was always like 68 degrees, with rain maybe twice a week (i like rain because it’s a built-in excuse to stay inside, which is my natural inclination anyway). i guess maybe i need to move back to the pacific northwest? they’re having a worse summer than we are though. plus there’s the whole “unavoidable catastrophic earthquake” situation.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. hoperoth says:

    A lot of people just shut down when faced with other people’s sadness. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’ve never had a miscarriage, but I know what it’s like to have your hormones fuck with you and make you sad. I’m sure this is a million times worse. I hope it gets easier soon.

    1. ciara says:

      yeah, it’s not news to me that people don’t know how to deal with sadness. i am not great at it either, when it comes to supporting other people.

      i’m starting to feel a little better. i’m just trying to have fun with ramona. we seem to be getting back into a good groove of hanging out & getting along with each other well. it was hard for a while because i was so sad & checked out, & ramona was getting adjusted to the new house, & it was not a great mix.

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