miscarriage update: ectopic times

just a li’l miscarriage update: i had to go back to the ER last night. it turns out that it was an ectopic pregnancy after all. as i told jared, “you what this means? we are the 1%! this only happens in 1% of all pregnancies. i’d really prefer to be the rich 1% though, if i have a choice in the matter…”.

i’m fortunate that it miscarried naturally before doing any damage to me or my future reproductive capacity (as far as we know), though of course i am now at much higher risk for ectopics in any future pregnancies. you know, because i didn’t have enough working against me in the whole having babies arena.

i had the ER doctor consult with three different OB practices, hoping one of them would say, “it’s just a miscarriage! no big!” but they all agreed that it was probably ectopic (due to the fact that my uterus was completely empty, not even a gestational sac that would indicate a blighted ovum missed miscarriage), so they gave two shots of methotrexate & then i was free to go. they warned me that i’d probably spend the weekend puking & cramping, but so far i feel pretty much fine. lots of bleeding, & i’m pretty tired (probably from the stress & the blood loss), but i’m doing okay. which is nice, because today is my birthday. it’s bad enough to be having a miscarriage on your 36th birthday, without adding a bunch of puking to the mix.

jared & ramona came to the ER with me last night & ramona cuddled with me in my hospital bed. the ER doctor was totally awesome–far & away the best doctor interaction i have had during this pregnancy. obviously this whole situation sucks, but i am doing surprisingly okay.

trying to see the silver lining in all of this: i can keep sewing garments for myself without worrying about my size changing with pregnancy! between my first prenatal on wednesday & my miscarriage counseling session yesterday, i lost six pounds. i don’t know if it was some kind of weird psychosomatic baby weight or what, but i was definitely starting to look pregnant & now i’m back to my old self. i had cut out some pants to sew before all of this happened, & then i was like, “guess i gotta shelve that project for about the next year.” i had bought a bunch of bra fabric & thought i’d have to postpone that until my pregnancy boobs decided what size they wanted to be. i’d still rather have a baby than some new sewing projects, obviously, but since having a baby is not an option…

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

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