welcome, converts!

this blog has been getting so many views & new followers recently! i’m not sure what’s going on. i mostly get tons of traffic from people looking for stuff about kathleen hanna being transphobic or people who got a negative pregnancy blood test after a positive home test. but in the past few days, my scathing review of “feminism is for everybody” has also been pretty popular. i’m not sure if someone linked to it on tumblr or something?

so, for my new followers or people who got here from google: hi & welcome. this blog is updated from time to time when i feel like writing something. i aim for an average of two new posts per week, but sometimes there are more & sometimes there are fewer. these days, i mostly write about sewing projects, my kid (her name is ramona, she’s almost a year & a half old, & yeah, i did get a negative blood test with her after getting positive home tests, i don’t know why, but clearly she exists), & random life stuff that is on my mind. i would love it if my blog was more thematic, like, yes, this is definitely a mom blog or definitely a sewing blog, because i read tons of blogs like that & don’t always give a fuck when the people writing them start going off on tangents unrelated to why i’m following their blogs. but i don’t have the discipline for it. it’s just a ciara blog.

it seems like i have a lot of followers who came here for some of the more political content. here’s the deal with that: i am definitely a feminist. i definitely still care very much about anti-oppression politics & social justice. i don’t really write about it a ton. it can’t help but make its way into my posts a lot because being a radical feminist is just kind of who i am, but if you’re looking for an explicitly feminist/social justice blog that will tackle the controversies of the day, i’m afraid i will only disappoint you.

as far as kathleen hanna goes…i started getting a lot of traffic recently from some tumblr post called something like “this is why bikini kill actually sucks” or something like that. listen: i am critical of the fact that le tigre layed MWMF & never offered any sort of explanation or apology. i am skeptical that kathleen hanna now claims to be passionate about “trans inclusion,” having never offered an explanation or apology for her band playing MWMF. i pretty much cannot listen to le tigre as a result. it just bums me out too much. but i definitely don’t think bikini kill sucks. at all. i don’t support any form of idol worship, & therefore i am all for people expressing a certain degree of health skepticism/critical thinking skills when it comes to “celebrity”-type people that they admire–people in bands they like, for instance. i also get a lot of traffic from some post called “kathleen hanna isn’t the goddess you think she is,” & if anyone thinks kathleen hanna (or anyone else) is a goddess, they have bigger problems than i can help them with. but part of why i was disappointed in le tigre’s choices is because bikini kill was a crucial part of my formative teen years & even though i am now 34 (almost 35!), i definitely do not think they suck. i never thought they sucked. i’m glad that kathleen has reflected on her “eat meat, hate blacks, beat your fucking wife” lyrics & realized that they lacked a certain nuance, but i still think bikini kill is great. so please don’t put those words in my mouth.

okay! if any new followers are still with me, here’s what i am talking about today. disability review! what a thrill. social security made me see a doctor (of their choice) this morning & get fresh back x-rays done. i hadn’t had back x-rays taken in a long time. the nurse i saw was very nice & understanding about my pain stuff. she even finished my sentences a few times because she knew what i was going to say regarding pain! that was kind of cool. then the doctor came in & he was a super-douche. he was asking me about hospitalizations & i was telling him about doing a hospital program for depression in 2005, & he asked where that had been & i said, “cambridge, massachusetts,” & he said, “is that in england?” & i said, “no, it’s…cambridge. in massachusetts.” & he said, “in england?” & i said, “no. it’s in massachusetts.” & he said, “is that in england?” so i’m not sure, but i suspect maybe he was a doctor like dr. pepper is a doctor. he also asked me what tendinitis is. um. & when i said i had tendinitis in my knee, he said, “in your KNEE? how is that possible?” because…there are tendons there? what the hell, dude?

but then i had the x-ray done & i got to see it & it was illuminating. my back is beyond jacked up. i knew that the doctor had seen “abnormalities” in my previous back x-rays. but it turns out that my spine is so deformed & twisted, the tech actually had to do two sets of x-rays because the curvature is so severe. she said i would be at least four inches taller if my spine was straight & normal, one hip is at least an inch higher than the other, my lower spine is completely compressed, & at least one disc is destroyed. the x-ray tech was impressed that i am even able to stand.

this also helps explain why i have such a hard time fitting garments i sew at the lower back. it is a literal deformity.

anyway, ramona has pooped herself awake at least an hour before we were ready for her to wake up (the joys of parenthood), so now it’s time to try to make something of our afternoon. i guess it’s worth mentioning that i made myself a new shirt the other day. with a completely self-drafted sailor collar! i’ll try to post about it soon. sneak peek:



Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

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