what’s new with ramona

so, here is something i have been keeping to myself. i got pregnant again & had a very early miscarriage (at four weeks). it’s okay. we weren’t trying to get pregnant. it was a total accident. (i wish it had been so easy to get pregnant with ramona.) had it stuck & we followed through on it, the due date would have been november 29, which is the day before ramona turns two. we do want another kid eventually, but not quite so soon. maybe when ramona is more like three–closer to being fully potty trained, better on her feet, etc. i don’t relish the thought of needing a double stroller & having two in diapers, & jared wants to have his dissertation finished before he has two kids.

so a lot of stuff about last week (when this happened) was not very fun, & i’m a tiny bit anxious about knowing i had a miscarriage when i am so close to being 35 & of “advanced maternal age,” but it’s truly okay. i have read that some astronomical number of pregnancies end at around four weeks, usually for reasons of chromosomal abnormalities. so i am choosing not to worry about it too much. jared said, “work dad is immensely relieved. weekend dad was kind of into the idea of partying with two babies. i’m sure sewing mom is pretty relieved, especially about still being able to sew stuff that she can fit into, right?” that is true. although i suspect i will just experiment with making my own maternity clothes when the time comes. i bet it’s not that hard. jared also said, “man, ramona can’t walk yet & this other baby can’t even get it together to keep dividing into a bigger clump of cells. why are all of our kids so lazy?” that made me laugh pretty hard.

i was pretty on the fence about sharing this, but you know. it’s the reason why there’s been some radio silence here lately.

in other news, ramona is still not walking. or standing unsupported. she’s almost sixteen months old (over fourteen months gestationally). she has recently started scuttling around the house on her hands & feet, which could be a step in the right direction? i think i remember some kids from her playgroup getting around similarly right before they started walking.

she’s added some new words. she reclaimed “dada” from her memory banks & it’s her new favorite. i took her to the library this morning & i was like, “can you say mama? mama?” usually all she has to hear is, “can you say…” & she’s all, “mama! mama!” but lately i ask her to say mama & her face lights up & she says, “dada! dada!” jared had spring break last week & spent a lot of extra time with her, so now she’s on a huge dad kick. he’s definitely a more “fun” parent than i am, if your idea of fun is going to the playground everyday & getting pushed really high on the swings & going down the twisty slide over & over & getting turned upside down all the time & being allowed to climb on to the tables at the library & being fed ice cream. i mean, if you’re into that kind of thing. it all sounds pretty lame to me. (not really.)

she’s also pretty good at saying “hi,” “yay,” & “whee”. she knows to wave for “goodbye” & “goodnight”. sometimes she says things that sound like “okay,” “banana,” & once even “i can do it myself”. really! & she says “nana” or “nona” for “ramona”.

she is also a complete terror baby. she knows how to open the pantry door now, which is awful. there’s all kinds of dangerous stuff in there. things she can pull down on her head, plastic grocery bags, sharp tin can lids…we need to just get a hook & eye for the door. it’ll be a pain in the ass at first, but we’ll get used to it.

she’s also really tall, which means she is tall enough to reach the tops of our desks, my sewing table, the butcher block, etc. things are safe as long as we keep them far away from the edges of the tables, but someday she’s going to learn how to climb on to an adult-sized chair & then all bets are off. she can also reach doorknobs & the knobs on the stove. (luckily she doesn’t know how to turn them yet.) when i’m in the middle of a sewing project (as i almost always am), my dewing table is a wasteland of baby dangers: an iron, a box of pins, a needle case, sewing shears, embroidery scissors. to say nothing of delicate things (like tissue paper patterns) that a baby could easily destroy. i really wish sometimes that i had discovered the joys of sewing BEFORE i had a baby. oh well.

i stopped pumping a couple of weeks ago! i was down to just once a day, but it’s still really nice to not being doing it AT ALL. i was hoping i had enough frozen milk stashed away to see ramona through to 18 months, but i don’t think i do. had i never given any away, i’d have enough to see her through at least three years of age, but that also would have required like ten more deep freezes. so it’s okay. mostly we give her regular cow milk. i’ve noticed that she’s a lot more susceptible to colds now that she isn’t getting breast milk everyday. she’s gotten two in the last month, compared to two in the entire first year before that. so i’m not stoked about that, but spring is almost here.

& spring means BABY ROMPER SEASON. i’m so glad i had a girl because baby rompers are pretty much the world’s cutest clothing but they aren’t really for boys. & yes, i feel totally weird saying that, because obviously any baby can wear whatever it wants. but rompers are not designed with boy babies in mind, even as a remote possibility. i’m obsessed with rompers. i am powerless in the face of a cute romper in ramona’s size. & she looks so good in them!


watermelon romper!

i bought another romper in yellow with butterflies or something on it the other day. i told jared, “it’s weird that i think rompers look so good on ramona but not on myself.” he was like, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, given that you are an adult woman. i only wish the fashion industry saw things the same way & stopped making adult rompers.”

i have been making dresses for myself though & finished a new one last night, but i am saving it for another post because i don’t want my dress post getting all mucked up with baby/miscarriage talk.

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

10 thoughts on “what’s new with ramona

  1. mixed feelings on the miscarriage I’m sure, of course – sad but a relief but still a bummer. Sidebar: I just thought you should know that NEITHER of my girls say “mama”, or anything of the sort, which I think clearly stands out since they have TWO. As in 100% of their parents/caregivers/daily slaves could be beckoned with a simple “mama”, but they stick with “baby” (Ellie’s lovey), Hi!!, Up!, “all done” and “cheeeeesssse”. Cheese. They say CHEESE, but not mama. wth.

    1. yeah, that’s pretty much exactly how i feel. sad, relieved, then sad, then relieved again. but we’re in a really good place with ramona right now, so mostly i’m okay with letting it ride for a while before trying to introduce a new baby to the situation.

      when i first started reading your comment about the talking, i was thinking, “well, they’re twins, twins are almost always slow on the talking,” but they say so much stuff! ramona says “hi” (she says it like “hey” though, because she’s apparently an internet meme–hey girl), but she doesn’t say any of that other stuff. she says “mama” & “dada” CONSTANTLY though. maybe she is just more parent-focused because she doesn’t have any siblings. maybe ellie & joey are starting with other words because they have each other to create more of a kid-centric worldview?

  2. DISAGREE about boys in rompers! They can totally wear them. I got two for Emmett while I was in the states. They aren’t as poofy/bloomer-y, but they still show off his adorable baby legs.

  3. I’m so sorry about the miscarriage!

    Lilian didn’t really start talking until she was around other kids at daycare that talk. Up until then, she was all “enh, these people take care of my needs. grunting and pointing are working just fine for me.”

    1. ramona is pretty verbal for her age, i think. she knows “mama,” “dada,” “hi,” “up,” “cheese”…maybe some other stuff? she’s learning things so quickly these days, i honestly can’t totally keep up. she mingles with other kids at the playground or library or whatever most days, but it’s unclear to me if she’s learning that much from them or if she’s just picking things up from me & jared.

  4. i like the way your blog alternated between baby content and dress content but you manage to mostly keep them separate.

    there is a whole industry of baby boy rompers! many of them are styled as sailor suits? you come across as very gender biased, especially for someone who proclaims to be pro-romper. google image search may clarify things for you.

    sorry about your MC. that is hard, even if it is tinged with relief.

    1. when i was writing about rompers, i was thinking of the outfits with the ruffled leg openings, which, let’s face it, are probably not designed for boy babies or purchased by many parents for their boy children. i had forgotten that rompers with unruffled legs also exist. ramona had some of those last summer, but she’s outgrown them all. she even has a sailor suit that is a romper style, which was worn by her dad when he was a baby (& has LONG since been outgrown–baby clothes had like zero stretch in the 70s). so i wouldn’t say that i’m “gender-biased” so much as temporarily blinded by the cuteness of rompers with ruffled legs.

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