ramona’s passion for licking everything she can possibly lick (including the cat! was she trying to groom the cat?) has finally caught up with her. she came down with a cold on friday night & she’s still battling through it today. i feel pretty bad for her. she has a bit of a nasty cough & is all hoarse. jared is feeling under the weather too & decided to stay home today & take it easy. so i am once again dealing with that situation i always hate: being responsible for a sick baby while my sick partner hangs around the house. i’m just concentrating on washing my hands every thirty seconds & devouring oranges by the bushel to try to avoid getting sick myself. & i’ve got my eye on the prize that is 7:30pm: ramona’s bedtime. so far, being sick hasn’t affected her nighttime sleep that much. by the bedtime rolls around, she’s generally exhausted & passes right out. she has been waking up to hack & cough, but a quick dose of baby tylenol & benadryl has been doing the trick. it’s not as scary as when she had an ear infection in october. this time, there have been no fevers & she’s been sticking to her usual schedule. she’s just a bit more whiny & clingy than usual, which is extra gross because she’s also been covered in a thin film of snot.
despite all this, i totally have baby rabies again & really want to have another baby. i even did a bunch of homework about what would be involved if we were still in kansas when i got pregnant again. it sounds like it would be a bit of a pain in the ass. since i had ramona by cesarean, i can’t have a vaginal birth at the local hospital. they don’t have an in-house anesthesiologist. that means that if i was in labor there & had some sort of catastrophic complication like uterine rupture (unlikely, but it’s the main reason a lot of hospitals ban VBACs), they’d have to call the anesthesiologist to come in from home before i could be rushed in for a repeat cesarean. if i wanted to give birth in lawrence, i’d either have to have a scheduled cesarean or a home birth. i’m not really interested in either of those options.
but my ob-gyn said i was a good candidate for VBAC, since the circumstances around ramona’s birth had nothing to do with any kind of physiological issue that is guaranteed to repeat itself. she said i could start my prenatal care in lawrence & switch to another practice that does support VBAC at my leisure. it sounds like the closest place that allows VBAC is shawnee mission medical center, which is near kansas city, about 40 minutes away. could be worse, but it still means i’d be driving over an hour round-trip for prenatal care. while i have another kid at home. & obviously most doctor’s office hours coincide with the hours that jared is at work. so that’s all a big pain in the ass as far as kid-wrangling goes. & then when i went into labor, it would be another 40-minute drive to get to the hospital. lawrence memorial, by contrast, is only a 5-minute drive.
but i guess i’d rather drive a lot than get cut open again, if i have a choice in the matter. & all of this is irrelevant for the moment anyway because i’m not pregnant & who knows when i will be. jared & i are feeling conflicted about the whole thing because, on the one hand, it would be great to have another kid, have it be pretty close to ramona in age, & “know our family,” as jared phrased it. (he only wants one more. i maybe kind of want two more? but let’s start with one & see how i feel, i guess.) on the other hand, we have no idea what jared’s job situation is going to be like as of june, & that means we have no idea what our living situation is going to be like. obviously if we were going to have another child, we would HAVE to move. our tiny one-bedroom house is a tight squeeze already with just one baby. i don’t think we could shoehorn another in here without going crazy. but jared also isn’t done with his dissertation & he has a fair amount of research to do. which means we might be living in another state as soon as june. or maybe not. we just don’t know! it’s kind of difficult to start making contingency plans for bonus kids when you don’t even know what part of the country you’re going to be living in in four months, let alone a year.
we did both agree that the ideal would be to have our kids two or three years apart in age. if i got pregnant this month, my due date would be the day before ramona’s second birthday. but it took us nearly a year to conceive her, & the idea of another baby before the year is out strikes both of us as pretty overwhelming.
it’s crazy that i am even considering another baby while ramona is all sick & whiny.
her 15-month check-up is next week. i am really not looking forward to it. the playgroup moms, all of whom have slightly older babies, told me that the 15-month check-up is when the pediatrician gets concerned if the baby isn’t walking yet. technically ramona is only 13 months old…but still. not only is she not walking, she refuses to even stand if she isn’t holding on to something. i feel like she CAN do it. she took three steps yesterday while holding on to nothing more substantial than a hank of my hair. she SHE doesn’t seem to think she can do it. if she isn’t holding on to something, she immediately sits down, & then usually bursts into tears. it’s just a personality thing, i think. both jared & i were pretty physically risk-averse as children. i know she’ll get there. lately she’s been really into walking around the house while pushing a chair. she has a wooden walker, but she won’t use it to walk. she pushes it around while “walking” on her knees. but give her a chair & she will walk on her feet. the trick is getting her to let go & walk on her own (or even just stand). anyway, i just don’t want to deal with the judgment from the doctor & nurse. the nurse, in particular, was horrified at ramona’s 12-month check-up when we reported that ramona wasn’t pulling up yet.
i guess i also feel shitty about it because i wonder if i’m doing something wrong. is there something i can do to encourage her to be more physically confident? is there some trick i can use to teach her to stand on her own or take a step? am i just a crappy mom that doesn’t know how to teach her baby stuff? ramona is coming along at her own pace–i mean, three months ago, she wouldn’t put weight on her feet & now she walks around pushing chairs. in another three months, she’ll probably be walking. but sometimes i wonder if people are silently judging me because my kid is a little bit behind with this stuff. like maybe they think i just lock her in a closet all day & that’s why she can’t do shit that other kids her age are doing.
i’m also a teensy bit nervous about her backsliding with the talking. a month ago, she was saying “dada” without no problems. now she won’t say a D sound. she did recently learn to make S sounds. but all she will say now is “mama,” even though i’m constantly trying to teach her other words. she doesn’t even try to say them. she just babbles. maybe this is how it goes with babies? one step forward, two steps back?