i have a severe, possibly terminal case of the sunday night grumps. i’m staring down the barrel of another long, lonely week of baby care with a baby whose interminable whining could peel paint off walls. should be fun.

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

2 thoughts on “why

  1. I feel ya. I’m struggling to nurse a baby using my possibly defective breasts and about 17 different assistant contraptions (ok, it’s more like three). My mind really has a hard time processing the fact that parenting is really this hard. Like, really? It’s this hard? For everyone? This is supposed to be normal?

    1. yes, it’s hard. because you just really have no idea what you’re doing. sometimes i look back at the newborn stage (or, in our case, the fresh-from-the-NICU stage) & i regret that we weren’t a little more relaxed about everything because it was actually not that hard to deal with a little sack of potatoes baby that slept between every feeding. (we were lucky in that respect.) it’s a bit more exhausting to have to chase after her, stop her from chewing on electrical cords, stop her from pulling the ladder down on herself, play peekaboo with her for half the day…

      is it possible that maybe it’s just taking a little extra time for your milk to come in? i couldn’t breastfeed right away because ramona was on a ventilator, so i was pumping. the first time i pumped, i got ten milliliters. the second time, i got seven. the third time, i got two. the lactation consultant was like, “most women doesn’t get ANYTHING in the first few days so this is amazing!” that was good to hear, because i would have been totally discouraged otherwise. i mean, two milliliters is literally like four drops. but then my milk came in & before i knew it, i was pumping eight, ten, twelve ounces at a time. i think part of what helped was that i stayed relaxed, & i stayed relaxed…well, because i was on a lot of percocet. haha. but also because the lactation consultants had really lowered my expectations.

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