i finally figured out what was up with ramona’s hysterical screaming. she does it when she’s over-tired. i say “finally,” but it really only took me like a week & a half to piece it together. although a week & a half can feel like a lifetime when there’s a screaming baby in the mix. so i have started to really get on the ball about putting her down for a nap when she gets like that & i think everyone is a lot happier now.
at the risk of boring the pants of my meager readership, this baby is a goddamn sleeping superstar. her first nap of the day (which she is enjoying right now) usually lasts for two or three hours. so far this naptime, i’ve had time to pump, finish reading “the new york times,” wash all my pump parts & baby bottles, make & eat lunch, & watch the newest episode of “mad men”. & not a peep out of ramona. she usually takes one or two shorter naps later in the day as well. & then she goes to bed at 9:30pm (or so) & sleeps through the night. which is great for us but maybe not so great for her sheets, because her diapers just weren’t built to hold twelve solid hours of baby pee. good thing i already do a metric ass-ton of laundry because we’re cloth diapering.
today is not such a great day for me. at first i thought i was just feeling kind of moody because it’s chilly & gray & it’s been ages since i’ve gone to the pool. obviously i couldn’t go while i was in detroit, & then i, weirdly, felt i didn’t have time while jared’s parents were in town. it was unclear to me how much they wanted to visit with us (or more specifically, me, considering that i am not their child), how much they wanted to visit with ramona, & how much they actually wanted to take responsibility for ramona, in terms of diapers, bottles, etc. so i felt like i had to be around in case someone needed me, even though i spent a lot of their visit sitting in the kitchen reading the “new york times”. time that probably would have been better spent at the pool.
then on friday i got my charlotte memorial tattoo finished.
i don’t really want to go to the pool with it until it is scabbed over, just because i don’t relish the thought of dunking an open wound that cost me several months’ rent into a vat of germs & chlorine.
anyway, when i noticed that jared was in a state of nervous collapse trying to get his taxes done this morning (H&R block’s automatic tax system refused to recognize ramona as a dependent child for some reason), i realized that it’s april 15th. today would have been my dad’s 59th birthday. it’s shocking to realize that he’s been dead now for over ten years. & i suddenly realized that if i die at the same age he did, ramona will only be fifteen years old. at least i was an adult when my dad died (as much as a 22-year-old can really be considered a true adult). & that made me think about the possibility that jared will die someday…or that ramona will. & i started to feel very sad & terrible. i made jared confirm for me that he & i will both live until we’re 100 & ramona will live to be 200. or thereabouts.
can i complain about other parents again? it’s apparently my favorite thing to do. so, someone recently was talking about being nervous about starting her kiddo on solids because of a family history of serious food allergies. she was talking about delaying those serious allergen foods, etc etc. i piped up (like a damn idiot–i swear, one of these days i will just learn to keep my mouth shut when it comes to anything controversial…although, with kids, it seems like EVERYTHING is controversial) & asked if she’d heard the new studies indicating that delaying those major allergen foods is actually being found to increase the likelihood of serious, life-threatening allergies. which, honestly, makes sense to me on an intuitive level. it seems logical to me that holding off on certain foods for too long would cause a greater sensitivity once they’re introduced. i said something about how maybe i read about it in the “new york times” or something, but i didn’t remember for sure.
& she was like, “i prefer to get my medical information from scientific studies & not news outlets.”
okay? i didn’t realize i was talking to someone who, like, subscribed to the “new england journal of medicine”. jesus christ. it’s not like i was just reading this article & somehow mistaking it for rigorous scientific writing. but i wouldn’t even know these studies existed if they hadn’t been reported in a journalistic news outlet i read. if i wanted to know more, i would go track down the study from there.
i just thought it was so needlessly condescending. i wanted to say something like, “oh, i should have known that you already knew about this from your standing brunch date with your fellow nobel recipients,” but obviously i didn’t. man. other parents are seriously the worst sometimes. i wonder if they feel the same way about me? probably.
have i written here about how much i miss running a zine distro? probably. i had this idea a few weeks ago about starting a new pseudo-distro. basically it would be a curated package-of-the-month-type thing. people would subscribe for a given period of time (a month, three months, a year, whatever), & every month, they would receive a package containing a selection of zines i have chosen. that would be easier for me than having this whole catalogue & having to put together individual orders, & it would appeal to my obsession with subscriptions. (i myself subscribed to a diaper-of-the-month club, not because ramona needs more diapers, but because i like to subscribe to stuff that will get me mail.) but the success of the whole thing would hinge on 1) the zinesters i choose to work with being on the ball about sending me their zines in a timely manner, 2) them also not minding that they are not selling individual copies to individual people with a specific interest in their zines, 3) me being good at guessing how many copies of a zine i will need to meet subscriber demand, & 4) subscribers trusting me enough to give me money to basically choose their zine orders for them. seems like a lot could go wrong, you know? & there’s also the question of, how would i even have time to do this? it probably wouldn’t be that time-consuming once it was ticking along, but getting it off the ground would be a lot of work. probably more work than i really have time for, & i think the main reason most zine distros fail is because the people running them didn’t bargain for the amount of work involved & they just can’t keep up with it with school/work/other projects & responsibilities.
oh well. i’ll just hold on to it as a little dream in case i ever find myself with more free time than i expected. though if that ever actually happened, i would probably just start hassling jared for more babies.