baby narwhal needs YOU to give it some stuff

i talked to jessika rae the other day, & she convinced me to go ahead & post the baby registry on the internet already. so…here’s the link, for any blog readers that may feel inclined to shower baby narwhal with babyhood necessities. jessika rae was like, “dude, what the hell are you waiting for?” & i was like, “i don’t know! i really don’t.”

she also told me about a friend of hers who had a baby last year. this woman is acquainted with a local urban chicken farmer in detroit. the chicken farmer sexes her chicks by turning them upside down & dangling a key on a string over them. if the keys swings in a circle, she sells the chick as a hen. if it swings back & forth like a pendulum, she sells the chick as a rooster. she doesn’t claim 100% accuracy, but apparently she has good enough luck that she more or less stakes her chicken empire on it.

so jared & i tied my house key to a piece of basting twine & jared dangled it over my belly. it swung in a circle, so…maybe it’s a girl? i dangled the key over jared & it correctly indicated that he’s a boy. then i dangled it over charlotte & she interfered with the testing apparatus by swatting at it. once she calmed down, i tried again, & it correctly indicated that she is a girl.

i also had two more dreams about the baby in the last week. it was a girl in both. i just can’t imagine that this baby could possibly be a boy! all of my intuition says it’s a girl. but i am trying to accept that my intuition could be wrong. i guess we’ll find out in about 25 weeks. when i phrase it that way it seems so far away, but when i think about the fact that i’ll have a three-month-old(-ish) baby by the time the farmer’s market starts again for the summer, it’s seems terrifyingly soon.

i started looking into car seats that might fit into our tiny three-door saturn coupe. i heard a lot of good reviews & recommendations for the chico keyfit. apparently it’s small, easy to install (which is jared’s #1 criterion), & has a great safety rating. but the negative reviews i have seen complain about how their babies got contact dermatitis from the car seats. at first i was like, “oh, forget it, why would i buy something that gives my baby a rash?” but then it occurred to me that most “normal” parents keep their babies in their car seats A LOT. it’s been kind of hard for me to find helpful recommendations on car seats because so many people put so much stock in having a light, easy-to-carry car seat, or car seats that fit easily in a stroller base. i don’t care about either of these things. i don’t have a baby yet, so maybe i will eventually come to rue my misguided assumptions, but i plan to only have my baby in its car seat when it’s in the car. around the house, i plan to keep the baby in a sling or maybe in a bouncy chair if i need a break & if the baby likes being bounced. i don’t plan to use a stroller at all until after the baby can sit up on its own, & even then, i’ll be sparing with it.

but i have known plenty of parents that didn’t have any interest in attachment parenting or baby-wearing or anything, & their babies hung out in car seats a lot. i guess if a baby is in a car seat for like ten hours a day, contact dermatitis might be a concern. none of the people who complained about this issue gave any indication how long their babies were in the car seats before they got rashy.

the only reason i am stressing about car seats at all & not just buying the cheapest model on the market that has a decent safety rating is because our car is so tiny & the backseats are weirdly molded. our friend cait says they were made for someone with a bootylicious figure. i doubt the baby will be especially bootylicious as a newborn.

i am in that stage of pregnancy where there’s not much to do but fret about baby stuff. by the time you hit the second trimester, the thrill of actually being pregnant in the first place has faded, & the changes that are happening in your body have become old hat. but you’re still not in that super-gigantic & uncomfortable, signing up for childbirth classes, raw panic third trimester phase yet. i am definitely increasingly uncomfortable, as the relaxin my body is making is no friend to my arthritis & i am still getting up an average of eight times a night to pee (that’s not an exaggeration). jared convinced me to buy a snoogle, which is am really excited about. i have no idea if it will be as awesome as i’m hoping or of i just got snowed by the pregnancy/baby industrial complex, but it’s supposed to be delivered today so i guess i’ll find out soon. i scored a glider & rocking ottoman at a yard sale over the weekend–the exact same on i registered for, but for a fraction of the price. i had a crisis of faith over co-sleeping because i suddenly couldn’t figure out where to put the baby down for naps if it’s sleeping at night in our bed. you can’t leave a baby in an adult bed alone, right? but i don’t want to be stuck watching the baby while it naps for five hours a day. sure, i’ll probably spend some of that time napping too, but i’m also going to want to seize the opportunity to occasionally balance my checkbook or brush my teeth. jared & i talked it over & decided to invest in a stand-alone co-sleeper that can be converted to a bassinet or a play yard after all. & i am scouring craig’s list for good deals on used cloth diapers. i found a great one this morning, but some other lady beat me to it. i’m second in line though if she flakes out.

this is my exciting life! exciting to me, anyway. seriously! i got a maternity swimsuit too! goddamn, it’s the most comfortable thing in the world after trying to stuff my bump into my pre-pregnancy suit. & jared told me, “it looks good. it really shows off your tan.” i have a tan? i guess it stands to reason after all the time i’ve been spending at the pool, but i don’t think i have EVER had a tan before. & chepina & i are going to start working on the quilt tomorrow!

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

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