why would you enrage a pregnant woman?, part two

SPOILERS OVER. YOU CAN COME BACK NOW. this theme of not wanting to take responsibility for your own poor choices was perfect for spoiler girl though because not once did she apologize for posting what she did. a few weeks ago, i wrote a post about being victimized by accidental rudeness & i wrote about a facebook friend who said she wanted to redecorate my house after seeing photos i’d posted online. same lady. in that situation, she was all, “i’m sorry if i offended you, but i was seriously just talking about how you have the same bedside table as my mom & i think it’s really tacky.” see what i mean? even when she does apologize, she’s really just insulting you even more. i unfriended her because i barely knew her anyway & i was really sick of the “i should get to say anything i want & no one should ever take offense & i don’t need to be responsible for my words” attitude. i told jared that i really want to make sure that our kid knows there’s a time for humility, that it knows how to issue an apology that is sincere, that it can weigh a situation & make responsible choices, & take its lumps when it makes a bad choice. it’s something so BASIC, & it’s pretty much all that stands between the assholes of the world & the non-assholes. & yet, it’s amazing how uncommon it is.

so maybe on some level this is about more than a dumb TV show, or maybe pregnancy hormones are making me have a really intense reaction to a TV show…i really don’t know what the fuck is going on. maybe it’s a pregnancy protectiveness thing. i feel like, if i am really pregnant (as all the sonograms & pregnancy tests indicate), then i am growing a whole new fresh person here, & while that person is eventually going to enter the wider world & come into contact with jerky kids that steal its crayons, & asshole teachers that grade their opinion-based essays low because they disagree with the kid’s opinion, & mean moms who don’t want it socializing with those bad kids who drink alcohol & wear crushed velvet capes, such forth & so on, i want it to have a grace period of just getting to be innocent for a little while.

several people i am friends with (or have been good friends with in the past) have had, basically, nervous breakdowns lately. all the circumstances are different & people are handling their business in different ways, so i’m not going to go into detail or make generalizations about anyone’s behavior but my own. my own behavior has been to pull away. i don’t handle other people’s mental health crises well in the best of times, ie, when i am not growing a human. but now that i am, i just have no time for anyone’s drama or histrionics, even if it is all in the service of a very serious mental health issue. if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: i’m not a mental health professional, i’m not equipped to deal with that shit, & at this point, i have no qualms saying that i don’t WANT to deal with that shit. i hope everyone starts feeling better very soon, but i don’t really want to be around it. all i want to do is eat pizza, go to the pool, & nap. no muss, no fuss. i need this chill time.

i think acting like a jerk & refusing to actually apologize or take responsibility for it is just another behavior i don’t want to deal with. there’s some narcissism there, & i don’t know if being pregnant is bringing up feelings about my own terrible relationship with my crazypants narcissistic mother or what, but just…NO. i’m not having it. i pretty much cut her out of my life in 2006. once a person severs ties with her own mother, she is not going to give some other rando fifteen second chances, you know? get your shit together, think before you act, take responsibility for the unintended consequences of your decisions, or get out of my life. it’s pretty simple.

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: