allow me to introduce baby narwhal!

so. the last time i updated this thing, i was all sad & confused because i was getting positive home pregnancy tests (on the el cheapo wondfo brand i recommended in my “getting pregnant on the cheap” series), but my quantitative blood test, supposedly infallible, had come back negative.

the day after i got the negative blood result, i woke up, still feeling really disappointed & confused. i did two pregnancy tests, to make sure they both reacted the same way. they did; they were both positive. but the negative blood test had robbed me of all ability to happy or excited. i showed them to jared when he got up & he suggested that they might be grounds for a tentative high five, but i told him i wanted to see if i could get results on a different brand before anything else.

i went to the dollar tree & loaded up a basket with cheapo tests. maybe it’s not exactly the height of elegance & sophistication to get pregnancy tests from the dollar store, but they’re only a buck each & they work just fine. then i went to wal-mart (where i never ever shop) & loaded up. i got a box of first response early results, some answers, an accuclear, & a box of clearblue easy digital tests.

i went home & took a first response, the cadillac of home pregnancy tests. these things are pricy & they really can provide accurate results well before a woman misses her period.

a second line! a faint one, but it’s definitely there!

& this is pretty much how i informed jared that he is going to be a father: he was in the kitchen, washing dishes. i stormed in, slammed the first response down on the counter next to him & said, “look at this! there’s a second line! it’s positive! that blood test was wrong! what the FUCK!” he peered at it & said, “yeah, there’s definitely a line…”

i had agreed to meet my friend chepina at a restaurant down the street that was hosting a craft fair, so i threw the test in my bag, lit a cigarette (yeah, remember how i bought a pack of smokes after getting the negative blood test result the day before? i totally stopped after this, i swear), & hustled over there. she was already waiting & told me, “there’s a lot of baby stuff here, i already scoped it out so i could warn you.” i told her maybe that was actually a good thing & then said, “i’m going to show you something i peed on, so just prepare yourself now.” i showed her the test, & she also confirmed that she saw two lines. i continued to smoke feverishly while saying, “what the fuck! that fucking blood test!” over & over.

then we went inside to the craft fair & the first thing i saw was an entire table of onesies, burp cloths, all kinds of crafty baby accoutrements. including…

cute li’l onesie with a train on it!

i know. i know! i totally made fun of someone else on this very blog not that long ago for rushing out & buying a baby snowsuit five seconds after she found out she was pregnant, & here i am doing pretty much the exact same thing. i know that people are most likely going to want to give us baby stuff, & onesies are always a great go-to baby gift. i know we have many friends & acquaintances with little ones that can probably hook us up with hand-me-downs & there’s no need to buy a $16 onesie at a craft fair. especially in a 12-month size when i am all of three weeks pregnant. but i just needed to do SOMETHING to make some kind of statement to the universe that i believe i am pregnant & that the blood test was wrong.

two days later, i took a digital pregnancy test.

can’t argue with this result.

i called my doctor & explained that i think the blood test was wrong & that i am getting positive home pregnancy tests on every brand under the sun, including digitals (which are practically fool-proof). the nurse told me my doctor won’t let me do another blood test until may 15th at the earliest, & that she won’t schedule my first pre-natal until the pregnancy has been confirmed with a blood test. so i still haven’t gotten blood confirmation, but…

come on!
who are we trying to kid?
i am pregnant!

i honestly might just print all these photos out & put them in the baby book. the kid won’t be embarrassed by that at all when s/he’s 12 years old.

so here it is…

the official “one month pregnant” photo.

yeah, i know, there are superstitious people out there who won’t announce their pregnancies until they’re through the first trimester. but i figure, i’ve been so open about trying to conceive & how difficult it’s been…how could i possibly be expected to keep it under my hat for three months once we found out it had finally happened? jared made me wait more than a week so that he could digest the news & steel himself for getting in touch with his family (who could not possibly be more excited & supportive). i’m facebook friends with both his parents & his brother, & obviously we didn’t want them to find out about the first grandbaby/niece or nephew that way. jared finally called his mom for mother’s day & got his dad on the extension & told them the news. his mom says she can’t wait to be one of those ladies that talks about their grandkids all the time. then he called his brother, who gushed about the idea that a little person is going to know him as “uncle dave” soon. i even unblocked my mom’s e-mail address & told her the news. she wrote back that she is very happy for me & praying for healthy, happy baby. i told my siblings & my sister has been doing her best to answer all my “dude, i actually know nothing about babies, what the fuck have i done” questions, & my brother has given me the helpful advice to “use the tried & true method of having wolves raise your baby. it worked for remus & romulus & they started an empire!”

so, constant readers, prepare yourself for lots of pregnancy/baby-related posts. & i will do my very best never to complain about morning sickness. (easy to say now, i haven’t really had any yet.)

oh, & narwhal is the gender-neutral baby name jared & i are using for now. we don’t plan to learn the gender until the baby is born, & during our first round of name selections, narwhal trounced all competition in the “gender-neutral baby names” category. leading the pack among the girls is “greta” & “igor” is #1 among boys. i’m sure these will change as the pregnancy progresses (i am already over greta & enamored with ramona for a girl). i solemnly promise never to be that lady who gets an ultrasound & says, “it was crazy! the baby looked like a bean, so we’re calling it bean!” all babies look like beans in the ultrasound. looking like a bean is in no way unique to your baby. ditto thinking your baby looks like a peanut.

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

6 thoughts on “allow me to introduce baby narwhal!

  1. Congratulations! I’ve been reading yr blog since we traded zines a while back (or did I just buy yours, I can’t remember. Anyway.) but haven’t commented really cos 9 months ago I was in the position you’re in now, altho it wasn’t planned in my case… So I don’t get much chance to comment on blogs anymore, but just had to say, yay! & I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly for you.

    I am/was one of those unoriginal folk who call the unborn baby bean, in fact it stuck & he still gets called that now!

  2. Ciara, congratulations! I am a new reader, and actually found your blog while researching people’s reactions to getting an HSG! I had mine about two weeks after you had yours, and hearing that it wasn’t so bad made mine a little bit easier. This is not an easy road and I am so happy for you and baby narwhal!

  3. horray for baby narwhal! congrats! this babymaking series has been a very informative read…thanks for it! i have pcos and get my period about 4-6x a year, so its helpful to hear about what interventions i might need to consider – i know clomid is prob in my future if i want to get knocked up…good to learn about the realities of that, cost, care, drs, etc. i appreciate yr perspectives as always.

  4. Hi ! Very interesting :)) thank you
    But how can a blood test be wrong ?? What did your doc say about that? The guy working at the lab was drunk or what? Did you have signs that made you feel like you were pregnant ?
    Thanks 😉

    1. the doctor never said anything about it. i just had a second blood test when i was like six or seven weeks, which was positive, & we started prenatal care. had i asked, the doctor probably would have insisted that the first blood test was done too early. but that doesn’t explain why it was negative when home tests were positive. i didn’t really have any pregnancy symptoms, because i WAS really early. but i never really had any pregnancy symptoms until i was in my second trimester. i never had any morning sickness or anything.

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