the internet will kill (or bore) us all

i am falling down on the job of maintaining a regularly-updated blog, so i am going to fall back on that useful old crutch of hacks & frauds: gimmickry. alex wrekk came up with a 30-day photo challenge, & i’m going to try it. (which is not to say that alex is a hack or a fraud. but maybe i am, as i do not generally take a whole lot of photos, let alone post them on my blog.)

here’s the list she generated:
Day 1- A photo of you today
Day 2- Something you like
Day 3- Something you ate
Day 4- You and your best friend
Day 5- Your home
Day 6- Your favorite shoes
Day 7- an item you purchased recently
Day 8- Your favorite place to eat
Day 9- Your room
Day 10- Your music collection
Day 11- Your bookshelf
Day 12- Your mode of transportation
Day 13- Something you don’t leave the house without
Day 14- Something that makes you happy
Day 15- An old photo of you
Day 16- The view out your front door
Day 17- What’s in your bag/purse/pockets
Day 18- Where you work/go to school
Day 19- Something you love
Day 20- Your mailbox
Day 21- A photo you are proud of
Day 22- Something you cooked
Day 23- Your desk or work area
Day 24- Something important to you
Day 25- Graffiti you have seen
Day 26- Something you do everyday
Day 27- Your favorite place
Day 28- A favorite piece of clothing
Day 29- Something you like
Day 30- A photo of you today

so, today, a photo of me:

oh. hey, guys. *sigh*

pretty sexy pajamas, huh? i don’t usually get dressed for the day until after i have finished my morning coffee. & jared has observed on multiple occasions that unless i really make an effort, i always look sad or upset in photos. apparently that’s just how my face is.

without this photo challenge to distract me, i feel like this could really easily become an infertility blog. or, in the vernacular, a TTC blog. i’d be writing posts that say thinks like, “hey guys. well, i’m 4DPO today. i started the prog on CD17 but it’s unclear if it’s affecting my temps or not. i’m using FF’s estimates on my DPO but the data is an imperfect science at best. i did get a +OPK on CD16 & i was thrilled. the BF & i were just so sick of all the BDing, it was good to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. i’m going into the lab tomorrow for my CD21 prog draw & i’m hoping for a high number. i’m going to try to hold off on POAS until CD15. even if i don’t get a BFP this time around, i’m hoping to at least add a few days to my LP.”

if you understood any of that, you’re in the tribe. if you didn’t understand a word, i hope you never do.

what it means is that i ovulated four days ago, confirmed in part with a positive ovulation test. jared & i were relieved because the “fun part” of having a baby is actually not all that much fun when it starts to feel like a science experiment. i was also relieved because i was scheduled to start progesterone supplements the next day, & progesterone can interfere with fertilization. i was really hoping to get the fertilization out of the way before starting progesterone.

progesterone supplements can raise a person’s basal body temperature, which i chart using a web tool called fertility friend, in order to confirm ovulation (a positive ovulation test just indicates a surge in luteinizing hormone; it doesn’t guarantee that you’ve ovulated). my temperature has been high since the day of the positive test, but maybe it’s the supplements? i’m going to the hospital lab tomorrow for another blood draw to check my progesterone levels. this will indicate for certain that i have ovulated. i’m going to try not to take a pregnancy test until i’m fifteen days post-ovulation, but as my luteal phase is never more than ten days, i’ll be happy to gain a few extra days there even if i’m not pregnant this time around.

fascinating, huh? yeah, probably not unless you are also struggling with all this shit.

i keep reminding myself that it’s a waste of time & energy to get obsessive about every detail right now, because there will be so much to potentially obsess over once i’m actually pregnant & have a child. this whole phase of the process will suddenly start seeming like small potatoes.

other ways i’m distracting myself include: picking charlotte up every day. i call it “scooping” because you have to hold her away from your body lest she rip your limbs off. i’m hoping that it i scoop her every day, eventually she won’t mind being picked up. she’ll be like a normal cat, instead of a vicious demon sent here from hell to feast on human blood.

i’m also toying with the idea of writing a stunt memoir in which i allow the good people over at yahoo! answers to make all my life decisions for me. for example: “there’s a sunday brunch place that has awesome bread pudding & i kind of want to have breakfast there today, but it’s pretty expensive & i’m kind of broke from spending $500 on fertility meds & doctors this month. should i go anyway?” or: “what should i make for dinner tonight? i’m torn between macaroni & cheese (easy, & my recipe is flawless) & chicken & dumplings (complicated, & my recipe is still not perfected, but we have like five gallons of chicken stock in the freezer).” i just know that the folks at yahoo! answers would find some way to take these innocuous, low-consequences questions & give me answers that would result in my house burning down, jared dumping me, & me contracting tuberculosis or something.

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

One thought on “the internet will kill (or bore) us all

Leave a Reply to Alex Wrekk Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: