ladies only fun club

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sorry for the delay in writing a new post. i fucked up my wrist somehow & it hurts to do everything, from zipping my hoodie to opening doors to holding books to typing. i have mostly been laying on the couch under a quilt with charlotte, watching stuff on netflix. it’s sad.

jared is in phoenix for the american environmental history conference, so charlotte & i have been having some ladies only time. jared’s colleague allison offered to be my passenger with a valid driver’s license, so i got to practice highway driving & drop jared off at the kansas city airport. i’m picking him up on sunday. i am not crazy about highway driving because i get freaked out about the idea of driving at seventy miles an hour. if i made a mistake at that speed, it could be really, really bad. plus our car is a tiny little saturn that has a little bit of trouble accelerating. if i don’t make a conscious effort to put the pedal to the metal, especially on hills, i will suddenly find myself crawling along at like 45 miles an hour. i think we need an oil change.

jared has been gone since wednesday, & i have been enjoying the life of a single lady, minus the parts where i hook up with random people. it was pretty warm out yesterday, so i actually got to fulfill my stereotype of being a partnered person whose partner is out of town & just hang out in my underpants all day. don’t you hate pants? i am actually a big fan of pants, but sometimes it’s nice to try something new. i have also been staying up until like 3am, eating potato chips in bed, & socializing without worrying about getting home to anyone (besides charlotte).

i went out dancing on wednesday, which was weird, because i guess it didn’t occur to me that i was going dancing with a bunch of people who either had dates or were interested in dates. i just wanted to dance in a non-date way. which meant i spent most of the night dancing alone, surrounded on all sides by couples grinding their crotches into one another. needless to say, i permitted myself to get quite drunk. i was also the least dressed up person in the entire bar, & among the 1% of people there that were wearing glasses, so no crotches came anywhere near me. whew! i didn’t even care about looking like a friendless loser dancing all alone because everyone was just trying to get laid & no one was paying attention to me. it was kind of cool!

last night was feminist book club, where we read a selection of health-themed zines. unfortunately, we failed to scan & post “doris” #15 to the book club list in time for people to read it. so we really only had two zines to talk about: “learning good consent” & some goofy zine about vaginas called “cunt”. i know, right? why give your vagina zine the same name as a wildly popular book on the exact same subject? the zine quoted liberally from the book cunt, which i have read, & did not especially enjoy. somehow the author managed to quote all the most boring parts. i mean, cunt the book does make a few salient points that could be nice discussion topics, but the author was too busy writing essays about how “the planet is just one big uterus, if you really stop & think about it” & quoting tori amos lyrics to get into anything good. i was a little bit concerned that someone at book club would say, “that cunt zine blew my fucking mind! i had never thought about how vaginas look a little bit like orchids before!” but luckily everyone was like, “that cunt zine was…um…maybe written by a teenager. a stoned teenager. i don’t know.” respect for fellow book club attendees: holding steady.

& today i went to therapy, ate some quiche, & then proceeded to lay on the couch for five hours with my wrist elevated. tomorrow i might go to the farmer’s market to buy some bacon & flowers, & out for drinks later. & on sunday, i get to practice my highway driving some more. & i should put gas in the car. i pumped gas for the first time about three weeks ago & jared openly laughed at me once he realized i had no idea what i was doing. he was dumbfounded that i had never pumped gas before, but…why would i? i have never been a driver before. it’s not like people give me rides places & stop at gas stations & i hop out & offer to pump the gas. doesn’t it stand to reason that someone who is scared of turning on her windshield wipers while the car is in motion (i make jared do it for me) would also be inexperienced at the gas pump? i’ll get there eventually.

back to relaxing with my cat pillow.

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