fall back…into a stupor

i didn’t expect the time change to affect me so intensely. jared & i went to bed last night at our usual time, around one in the morning. & we slept for like nine hours. we don’t usually sleep for that long. jared’s lucky to scrape six hours, & i tend to get around seven. my morning was thrown all out of whack when jessika rae called before i’d even finished half my coffee. it was great to talk to her…i’m just not accustomed to being social with anyone that early in the day. now it’s 6:30pm, which is actually 7:30pm without the time change, & it’s pitch black & it feels more like 10pm. i’m wearing my pajamas, curled up on the couch, reading “the new yorker” while jared makes some kind of chicken dish for dinner.

inexplicably, i have been fending off a pretty serious case of baby fever (or “baby rabies,” as i prefer to call it) recently. i don’t know where it’s coming from, because i am hardly ever around children, & when i am around them, i generally find them cute & funny, but also germ-ridden & scary. maybe it’s a biological clock thing? not that i necessarily want to lend credence to that kind of pseudo-scientific crap.

i called my doctor a few weeks ago to get another year refilled on my birth control prescription. her assistant took down the name of my pharmacy & promised to call it in. but she didn’t. when i stopped by to pick it up, no pills for me. the pharmacist really pissed me off too. i gave her my last name (xyerra) & she said, “i’ve never heard of a name like that before. we may have filed it under something else because that’s a really weird name.” thanks, but i thought i was at the pharmacy, not ellis island. where does she get off suggesting that i need to be assigned a new name? not that my name is indicative of any particular ethnicity or nationality (it’s just a word i made up one day), but it’s still my name.

this is not the first time that my doctor has dropped the ball on calling in my birth control refills. i told jared that i should just go back to using fertility awareness because no one can fuck that up except for me. jared is a pretty good dude as far as dudes go, & he apparently wants me to be comfortable with my birth control choices, so he said he would support that if it’s what i wanted. so that is what i’m doing. not in an effort to “accidentally” have a baby tomorrow, or next month, or next year, even. i went on birth control in the first place because my abortion kind of freaked me out (i recommend anesthesia to any ladies out there contemplating abortion–the cramping can be pretty intense) & i didn’t want an encore performance of it any time soon. but i managed to use fertility awareness with great success for eight years before accidentally getting knocked up. i can probably manage it again for another year or two, until jared & i are positioned well enough in terms of finances, car-driving skills, & living quarters to make the baby thing happen.

life has been a whirlwind of thresholds in adult living recently. i successfully agitated for the installation of a bathroom door, jared & i opened a joint bank account from which to pay each other for household expenses (we named it “charlotte” in honor of the cat that is the glue in our relationship), & now we have to get serious about finding a used car. we learned that our local grocery store is shutting down for a few months in 2011 for some kind of refurbishment. unfortunately, it is literally the only grocery store within walking distance of our apartment. we’ve been talking about getting a car ever since we found out we were moving to kansas, but we were always able to put it off. we both think cars are little more than money pits whose endless expenses cancel out their modern conveniences, & to top it off, i don’t know how to drive. but i guess i’ll learn. time to be a grown-up.

but i am not so grown-up that i am not pumped for the upcoming harry potter movie! the clock’s a-ticking, fewer than two weeks to go! we will of course have to find a car-owning friend who also wants to go, since the lawrence public transportation system stops running at around 7pm–too early to see an evening movie & be able to take the bus home again. but i’m sure there’s no lack of peeps that want to see this movie. maybe it’s even playing on an IMAX screen somewhere in kansas city, in case any kansas kids reading this want to get really fancy! call me!

i apologize for the utterly disjointed nature of this post. i am trying to adhere to a blogging schedule in the interest of cultivating more writerly discipline. this is what you get when the blogging muse fails to put in an appearance. better luck next time. to encourage better material, leave comments, start conversations, ask questions. please!

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

3 thoughts on “fall back…into a stupor

  1. woah, everyone seems to be thinking about reproductive health changes lately. maybe it’s the season..
    carl’s gonna take me see harry potter in 3d for our anniversary. so we need to watch the old ones so he knows what the fuck is going on. borrowed the box set from his mum yesterday. have to be gentle with it cos its the last thing his dad bought her… xx

  2. Have you thought about an IUD? I have a hard time remembering to take BCP (and fertility awareness would be even worse), so I really like it. The insertion is awful, though, and I don’t know if you’d be able to get a local anesthetic. But after the first week you never have to think about it again for five or ten years, depending on which brand you get.

    I think cars are a necessary evil. I really don’t like the fact that we’re going to need two of them sooner rather than later (since I want to start a community college program, and there is NO good transit within Baltimore County), but there is no way around it. Money-pits or not, cars do open up your life and make it possible to do more things.

    1. i have never had any problem remembering to take my birth control pills, & i know exactly why i fucked up the one time when i was doing fertility awareness, & it probably won’t happen again. i did look into getting an IUD right after i had my abortion, but the insertion was way too painful, & since i actually want to have a baby in the next few years, it seems kind of pointless to go to all the trouble of getting one now, just to turn around & have it removed in a year. i’ve never had any issues with fertility awareness, it’s free, i don’t need a doctor to call in the prescription for me, so…works for me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: