sorry, dudes. no “top model” recap this week. i was going to write it last thursday, but i decided i would rather read a book instead. “i’ll do it tomorrow,” i told myself. but the next day, i woke up with a fever exchanged for my voice & have been sick ever since. i’m actually out of bed now & wearing non-pajama clothes, but i’m still not at 100%, & the final episodes are tomorrow night & every other recapper on the internet already has their posts up, so fuck it. although last week’s episode was hilarious (the challenge involved the girls wearing incredibly puffy clothing & posing in the doorways to hobbit holes as featured in “lord of the rings”; jared suggested that a nearby sheep might go crazy with rage due to the muttonchop sleeves the girls were sporting), i just don’t have it in me to contribute. i’m sure everyone is very sad now.
i feel like this cycle has flown by! probably because the first two episodes were extra long, & this week’s episode is a full two hours. we have been cheated out of an extra two weeks of programming. but it actually works out well, because this way, all my TV obsessions are all wrapped up just in time for me to leave for philadelphia, where i will have no TV & little internet access. jared & i will be able to watch the two & a half-hour series finale of “lost” the day before we leave. i’m hoping they just pan back from the island & james earl jones voices over, “& then they were all saved by…let’s say, moe.” & then there’s a little explosion & he says, “except for kate, who exploded.” & then there’s another explosion & he says, “oh, & jack also exploded.”
i know everyone is all OMG-ing over last week’s “lost” episode (i won’t spoil anything big for those of you who haven’t seen it yet), but far more angering to me was jack’s obnoxious fucking obsession with john’s paralysis. jack offers john some surgery that can repair his back injury & restore feeling to his legs, which, first of all–yeah, right. because that’s how spinal surgery works, they’re just always perfecting their techniques so that paraplegics can suddenly walk again, no problemo. but whatever. i care less about that than i do about how disrespectful & unprofessional jack was when john refused the surgery. i fail to comprehend how jack knowing HOW john was hurt a) is any of jack’s business, & b) would help him understand why john refused the surgery. i mean, supposedly, according to the writers, it did: john is punishing himself. because the only reason anyone in a wheelchair would ever turn down a surgery that could “fix” them (again with the whole disability = broken = bad trope) is if they were doing penance for something. fuck you, jack, & fuck you, “lost” writers.
& one more thing about the writers of “lost”: they claimed that they allowed certain events to unfold in last week’s episode in order to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the smoke monster is a bad guy, an antagonist. they claimed that they have been developing his character all season to be awash in moral ambiguity. maybe he’s a good guy! maybe he really is trying to help the lostaways escape from the island! maybe everything widmore & jacob have said is total bullshit! etc. but with the finale looming, they had to draw lines in the sand & erase the ambiguity. which means either a) they have pretty much no regard for the audience. did anyone really think the smoke monster was just misunderstood & was actually a good guy all along? way to treat us like we’re stupid & didn’t notice all the people that the smoke monster brutally killed for absolutely no reason. or b) the writers think way too highly of their own abilities. all of their attempts at creating “moral ambiguity” were pretty fucking transparent (& frustrating–would it kill them to actually move the plot forward rather than splashing around in these pointless little eddies of mind-fuckery?) to me.
considering some of the other crap we have been forced to swallow by this show, i think it’s a little from column A, a little from column B, so i am becoming concerned that the series finale is going to really, really suck. other instances where the writers have dropped the ball: 1) killing libby before explaining why she was in the mental institution. i mean, why show her as this big cliffhanger on the hurley hearts libby episode if you’re never going to go anywhere with it? it could even be something as simple as her saying, “my husband died & i was really depressed, so i checked myself into a mental institution.” problem solved. 2) building up the annie character a few seasons back as a love interest for ben & then going nowhere with it. why waste our time? 3) nikki & paolo. enough said. 4) during “the incident,” jack drops a bomb down a really, really deep hole, & then a bunch of metal gets sucked in, & then juliet gets sucked in, but somehow she lands next to the bomb & not on top of a bunch of metal that should have buried the bomb. also, she lives. & all the metal that got sucked into the hole got caught on the walls & didn’t crush her. & somehow sawyer was able to climb all the way down there & all the way up again. what? 5) kate pleas down to ten years probation on a FIRST-DEGREE MURDER charge just because one witness opts not to testify against her. if the prosecution’s case was so remarkably piss-poor that they needed one witness to say that kate confessed to the crime (what, no forensic evidence to fall back upon? how does one witness’s statement even count as evidence with nothing to back it up?), how are they siccing a federal marshal on her? 6) a federal marshal tracked kate down & arrested her in australia…where he had no legal recourse to do so. part of being a FEDERAL marshal is that you can only arrest people in the country where you work. 7) how did kate even get on the ajira flight if she was on probation & not supposed to leave the state? wouldn’t she have been on a no-fly list of some sort? 8 ) did cassidy, sawyer’s baby mama, re-locate to california? because kate was also breaking probation by visiting her if she lived in new mexico. 9) what was up with all the build-up with walt in the first season, which went absolutely nowhere? ben said, “we got more than we expected with him.” is that ever going to be explained? 10) daniel faraday was born in 1977 or 1978, making him 19 years old when desmond visited him when he was flashing through time (1996). he was a professor at queen’s college by then. what is this, some kind of doogie howser bullshit? how the FUCK is he a PROFESSOR at age 19?
i could go on. but i think this makes clear that either the writers of “lost” assume their audience is a bunch of morons, or they are way too self-satisfied with their own abilities. & scene.