ciara xyerra world tour

okay, not really. i just realized that i forgot to mention that jared & i will be in chicago this weekend/early next week. yes, i know about the zine fair. we will swing by on saturday & take a look around. i am not tabling or reading or doing anything else. i’m actually really looking forward to attending a zine fair where i won’t be sitting at a table trying to sell things. i won’t have to tell people off for sitting on my table. (story: at the portland zine symposium in 2004, calvin johnson from beat happening actually sat on my table. like, on top of the zines i was selling. while i was right there. made himself mighty comfortable. until i was like, “dude? get a chair. you’re getting ass prints on the merchandise.” later someone called him “alvin” & i laughed.) i won’t be trapped behind a table where all & sundry can track me down & make awkward conversation. (story: at the midwest zine fest in detroit in 2003, a zinester who shall remain nameless came over to introduce himself. i didn’t realize that he did zines, but i recognized his name because i had sent zine payments to someone i distro’ed “care of” this dude. so i said, “oh! you’re the guy who gets [name redacted]’s mail!” & he was all, “i make a zine too, you know! i don’t just get someone else’s mail!”)

i haven’t been to chicago in TWELVE YEARS, which is kind of unfathomable. & that time twelve years ago was actually my ONLY TIME ever in chicago, even though i grew up four hours away. how does that happen? & the one time i was there was for some big fancy gay rights conference, & all i did was gay conference stuff. i saw les feinberg speak & i remember i went to a workshop on the portrayal of lesbians in mainstream pornography. we were shown samples. there was an ice dildo. it kinds of traumatized me, which is why it’s all i remember. we went to boys’ town too, because we were lame small-town gaymos in the big city for the first time. i wore a t-shirt that said, “ain’t no commie gonna take my guns, a wristwatch patterned with frogs, satin pants, & a blue angora turtleneck. i thought i looked really professional.

okay, so: what should we do in chicago? places to eat? (especially burritos & breakfast.) places to shop? i know about quimby’s. what else should i know?any chicagoans reading this who want to bask in the glow of jared & i? (jared is pretty cool, don’t worry. i’m the dud in this relationship.)

also, jared just found out that he got a new york city summer internship doing some kind of hydrology-related crap (don’t ask for details because i’ll fall into a coma of boredom & incomprehension), & our plan was that i’d go live with amanda colianni in philly for six weeks if he got it. so hey! i am moving to philly from june 1 until july 15! that includes my 31st birthday! i have been to philly twice, for about three days each time. i have seen the satellite cafe, the mutter museum, & the wooden shoe. what else should i know about? should i just spend the entire summer running up & down the steps of the philly art museum while uplifting music plays behind me?

i totally just inspired myself to complete a challenge that involves me running up & down those stairs EVERYDAY for the entire time i am there (except for times when i am in new york visiting jared, or in barre, massachusetts, attending jared’s cousin’s wedding).

oh, another question: i was invited to jared’s cousin’s wedding. i have never really been to a “real” wedding before. i mean, i got married in vegas. while wearing sunglasses. indoors. my friend cory got married in 2003, but the dress code was fairly informal because it was in our house. i think i wore a weird black velvet tent dress with a t-shirt underneath. what do i wear to a real wedding for people who are registered at bed, bath, & beyond? halp!

ps–whenever jared & i get married, i want us to only register at independent businesses. why don’t more people do that? i’m also doing that whenever i have a kid, if someone decides to throw me a baby shower. i mean, if someone WANTS to buy me a mega-pack of onesies from target, i won’t stop them, but i won’t register for them either. is that sensible?

i’m breaking up this text with a few fashion photos:

awesome headband with a cat on it. i like it because the cat looks really angry.
i got those t-strap flats i wrote about a while ago (& the black fluevogs). here i am, modeling them in a shaft of spring-like sun.

okay, i thought of a few more things to say about “top model”:
1) tyra & the jays (sweet name for a band, incidentally) made the girls strike a pose in their swimsuits during the interview portion. every single girl looked seriously jacked up in their posing. half of them seemed to be doing a charles atlas weightlifting move, & the other half looked like mimes trying to liberate themselves from an invisible box. i guess they did their homework, because no one who got screen time reduced ms. jay to his patented, “hey gurl” hand-on-hip mockery, but i’m not entirely convinced that this was a step forward.

2) apparently right now i am the top google hit for “naduah fake accent”. i am really honored to be entering the pantheon of “top model” bloggery in this fashion, but sadly, i don’t know if her accent is fake or not. but it does remind me of that episode of “friends” where ross was nervous about teaching his first class at NYU, so he started doing a scottish accent, & rachel & monica catch him in the act & prank call him to offer him a position at the fake accent university. i think naduah might have a named chair there. very prestigious.

3) i also got a hilarious angry(ish) comment from someone defending rejected semi-finalist hallie on my last post. to refresh your memory, hallie was the one who bragged about being the godchild of cybill shephard (every time i think of cybill shephard, i think about how she dated elvis presley & said in an interview, “there was always one thing elvis wouldn’t eat…until he met me!” stay classy, cybill–we all want to be kept up to date on how you received oral sex from someone who died 36 years ago) & admitted that she was a “spoiled brat” who has “never worked a day in [her] life,” “still receives a weekly allowance,” & is often ferried to “paris…& new york to go shopping.” she even “owns some chanel” (like that’s an accomplishment–have you seen the wackadoodle shit uncle karl’s been coming up with lately? bag ladies wouldn’t wear it). apparently hallie was a victim of editing, & was actually selected as the 13th finalist but had to be replaced by indie rock ren due to “medical reasons”. i’d heard a rumor that a girl at castings had a seizure & had to be replaced. due to the fact that tyra told the final twelve that they were going to be getting a thirteenth roommate in new york as soon as the rejects were herded out of the room, i can only assume that that entire portion was very carefully edited around the fact that hallie was actually the last hamster selected, & upon hearing the news, she collapsed with a seizure & had to withdraw from the competition, tyra immediately got the “new york mystery roommate” idea (possibly while hallie was still lying on the floor), & that once hallie recovered, she was fed some lines to repeat about her belief that tyra had only wanted twelve girls & she surely would have been the thirteenth pick under other circumstances…& i hope you can tell that i don’t buy any of this.

but i am still really psyched to be getting comments from defensive strangers. the only thing that could make this moment sweeter would be if maybe the angry commenter became so angry that she tore off her wig & pounded on the floor in rage. make it happen!

Published by Ciara

Ciara Xyerra wrote zines for the better part of two decades. She has a brilliant & adorable preschooler named Ramona & sews as much as she possibly can. She lives in Lawrence, Kansas with her boyfriend. She enjoys catching up on "The New Yorker", meatball subs, keeping it cranky, intersectional post-third wave feminism, dinosaurs, & monsters. If you have nothing nice to say, she recommends that you come sit here by her, so you can say not-nice things together.

14 thoughts on “ciara xyerra world tour

  1. philly’s awesome in the summer!

    actually, no, it’s really fucking hot, but seriously. i think there’s usually the free library festival, and the free library also holds plenty of readings and author visits and it’s air conditioned and amazing.

    what part of philly will you be living in?

    definitely walk around kelly drive and get a bunch of frozen yogurt and go get some cupcakes.

    1. i guess i will be in south philly. like near the italian markets & stuff. i am so not looking forward to the neat! kansas gets really hot in the summer–so much so that air conditioning is pretty much standard on rental units. but there is no AC in the house i’ll be staying at. oh well. i’ll just have to visit various coffeeshops & libraries & get used to it.

  2. Go to Hot Doug’s in Chicago & eat some french fries cooked in duck fat! You can even have a hot dog with foie gras if you’re so inclined.

    1. we did not do this. sorry. have you ever been to dempsey’s in lawrence? they sell french fries cooked in duck fat. they also have french fries cooked in truffle oil. i haven’t tried either one, but everyone says they are really good. maybe next time i’m there, i’ll branch out beyond regular french fries.

      1. I’ve never dined out in Lawrence, only at friends’ homes. I also haven’t been to Lawrence in about 10 years & it looks like The Burger Stand at Dempsey’s has only been open for a year.
        B & I are going to try to visit my parents this Spring or Summer (I’m sick of only going there in Winter months) so maybe we can hang out this time providing it’s not during your Philly excursion.

        1. i’ll probably be in philly from very late may until mid-july, so anytime before or after that would be good for a hang-out, & that would be really awesome! keep me posted.

  3. I was kind of unimpressed by the Mutter Museum, mostly because the majority of the displays were at an awkward level for wheelchair users. Either too high or too low. You should check out the Rosenbach Museum and Library – it’s in an old brownstone, and doesn’t take long to go through. Lots of old books to look at, including a first-edition Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. When I was there (maybe three years ago?) they had a Maurice Sendak exhibit. It was pretty small, but still worth checking out.

    1. that’s a good point about the mutter museum. the whole place was kind of more dank, dark, & decrepit than i expected, but i think i’d like to go there again anyway when i have more time to really look around. the first time i went, we had to take off before i was really done because of metered parking.

      i think my mom used to have a first edition of alice in wonderland. i’ll try to check this place out. thanks for the recommendation.

  4. It is so exciting that you are moving to Philadelphia for a few weeks! Here are some of my favorite Philadelphia things to do:
    Sit near the steps of the art museum and watch people run up and down the steps all day. I also always tell people when they come visit me that if they really want to be like Rocky, they should run from South Philly through the Italian Market to the art museum.
    The central library is a really nice to visit and check out books from. It is a huge old building. The free library book festival is in April though.
    I like to sit in Rittenhouse Park and people watch. Picnics and bike rides in Fairmount Park is also really fun too.
    Franklin Fountain is a really good, but expensive old timey soda fountain/ice cream parlor.
    Royal tavern is one of my favorite south Philly restaurants. It also has pretty good brunch on the weekend and there is hardly ever a wait.
    Morning Glory, Sabrinas, and Honey’s also have good brunch.
    Good thrift stores are AIDS Thrift, second mile, and 8th and wolf.
    I can email you a ton for stuff that I like about Philadelphia. This city has a lot going for it, especially in the summer.

    1. i’m going to be living in south philly, & i was totally thinking that maybe i can just run all the way to the art museum & up the steps from there. i haven’t actually seen “rocky,” so my only reference point for this is vague pop culture miasma.

      i think jared has mentioned franklin fountain before. he is a big fan of ice cream & old-thyme-y-ness. i have also had brunch at sabrina’s before. tasty, but so crowded & we were seated right near the water station, so we were constantly being crowded by the wait staff.

      thanks for the recommendations! feel free to e-mail if you want.

  5. there’s this very unfortunately named cafe called antz pantz in south philly, at around 25th & south street, that has the most amazing egg & cheese sandwiches EVER. like, i did not know it was possible to make egg & cheese that well. also, they have delicious sweet potato french fries with sweet chili dipping sauce, which sounds gross but is delectable. and they’re air-conditioned, which is excellent because summer in philthy is super hot.

  6. yay philly. i can give you lots of recommendations of stuff. i am particularly good on pho, indian food, karaoke and queer dance parties. also let’s hang out while you’re here!

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