okay, not really. i just realized that i forgot to mention that jared & i will be in chicago this weekend/early next week. yes, i know about the zine fair. we will swing by on saturday & take a look around. i am not tabling or reading or doing anything else. i’m actually really looking forward to attending a zine fair where i won’t be sitting at a table trying to sell things. i won’t have to tell people off for sitting on my table. (story: at the portland zine symposium in 2004, calvin johnson from beat happening actually sat on my table. like, on top of the zines i was selling. while i was right there. made himself mighty comfortable. until i was like, “dude? get a chair. you’re getting ass prints on the merchandise.” later someone called him “alvin” & i laughed.) i won’t be trapped behind a table where all & sundry can track me down & make awkward conversation. (story: at the midwest zine fest in detroit in 2003, a zinester who shall remain nameless came over to introduce himself. i didn’t realize that he did zines, but i recognized his name because i had sent zine payments to someone i distro’ed “care of” this dude. so i said, “oh! you’re the guy who gets [name redacted]’s mail!” & he was all, “i make a zine too, you know! i don’t just get someone else’s mail!”)
i haven’t been to chicago in TWELVE YEARS, which is kind of unfathomable. & that time twelve years ago was actually my ONLY TIME ever in chicago, even though i grew up four hours away. how does that happen? & the one time i was there was for some big fancy gay rights conference, & all i did was gay conference stuff. i saw les feinberg speak & i remember i went to a workshop on the portrayal of lesbians in mainstream pornography. we were shown samples. there was an ice dildo. it kinds of traumatized me, which is why it’s all i remember. we went to boys’ town too, because we were lame small-town gaymos in the big city for the first time. i wore a t-shirt that said, “ain’t no commie gonna take my guns, a wristwatch patterned with frogs, satin pants, & a blue angora turtleneck. i thought i looked really professional.
okay, so: what should we do in chicago? places to eat? (especially burritos & breakfast.) places to shop? i know about quimby’s. what else should i know?any chicagoans reading this who want to bask in the glow of jared & i? (jared is pretty cool, don’t worry. i’m the dud in this relationship.)
also, jared just found out that he got a new york city summer internship doing some kind of hydrology-related crap (don’t ask for details because i’ll fall into a coma of boredom & incomprehension), & our plan was that i’d go live with amanda colianni in philly for six weeks if he got it. so hey! i am moving to philly from june 1 until july 15! that includes my 31st birthday! i have been to philly twice, for about three days each time. i have seen the satellite cafe, the mutter museum, & the wooden shoe. what else should i know about? should i just spend the entire summer running up & down the steps of the philly art museum while uplifting music plays behind me?
i totally just inspired myself to complete a challenge that involves me running up & down those stairs EVERYDAY for the entire time i am there (except for times when i am in new york visiting jared, or in barre, massachusetts, attending jared’s cousin’s wedding).
oh, another question: i was invited to jared’s cousin’s wedding. i have never really been to a “real” wedding before. i mean, i got married in vegas. while wearing sunglasses. indoors. my friend cory got married in 2003, but the dress code was fairly informal because it was in our house. i think i wore a weird black velvet tent dress with a t-shirt underneath. what do i wear to a real wedding for people who are registered at bed, bath, & beyond? halp!
ps–whenever jared & i get married, i want us to only register at independent businesses. why don’t more people do that? i’m also doing that whenever i have a kid, if someone decides to throw me a baby shower. i mean, if someone WANTS to buy me a mega-pack of onesies from target, i won’t stop them, but i won’t register for them either. is that sensible?
i’m breaking up this text with a few fashion photos:
okay, i thought of a few more things to say about “top model”:
1) tyra & the jays (sweet name for a band, incidentally) made the girls strike a pose in their swimsuits during the interview portion. every single girl looked seriously jacked up in their posing. half of them seemed to be doing a charles atlas weightlifting move, & the other half looked like mimes trying to liberate themselves from an invisible box. i guess they did their homework, because no one who got screen time reduced ms. jay to his patented, “hey gurl” hand-on-hip mockery, but i’m not entirely convinced that this was a step forward.
2) apparently right now i am the top google hit for “naduah fake accent”. i am really honored to be entering the pantheon of “top model” bloggery in this fashion, but sadly, i don’t know if her accent is fake or not. but it does remind me of that episode of “friends” where ross was nervous about teaching his first class at NYU, so he started doing a scottish accent, & rachel & monica catch him in the act & prank call him to offer him a position at the fake accent university. i think naduah might have a named chair there. very prestigious.
3) i also got a hilarious angry(ish) comment from someone defending rejected semi-finalist hallie on my last post. to refresh your memory, hallie was the one who bragged about being the godchild of cybill shephard (every time i think of cybill shephard, i think about how she dated elvis presley & said in an interview, “there was always one thing elvis wouldn’t eat…until he met me!” stay classy, cybill–we all want to be kept up to date on how you received oral sex from someone who died 36 years ago) & admitted that she was a “spoiled brat” who has “never worked a day in [her] life,” “still receives a weekly allowance,” & is often ferried to “paris…& new york to go shopping.” she even “owns some chanel” (like that’s an accomplishment–have you seen the wackadoodle shit uncle karl’s been coming up with lately? bag ladies wouldn’t wear it). apparently hallie was a victim of editing, & was actually selected as the 13th finalist but had to be replaced by indie rock ren due to “medical reasons”. i’d heard a rumor that a girl at castings had a seizure & had to be replaced. due to the fact that tyra told the final twelve that they were going to be getting a thirteenth roommate in new york as soon as the rejects were herded out of the room, i can only assume that that entire portion was very carefully edited around the fact that hallie was actually the last hamster selected, & upon hearing the news, she collapsed with a seizure & had to withdraw from the competition, tyra immediately got the “new york mystery roommate” idea (possibly while hallie was still lying on the floor), & that once hallie recovered, she was fed some lines to repeat about her belief that tyra had only wanted twelve girls & she surely would have been the thirteenth pick under other circumstances…& i hope you can tell that i don’t buy any of this.
but i am still really psyched to be getting comments from defensive strangers. the only thing that could make this moment sweeter would be if maybe the angry commenter became so angry that she tore off her wig & pounded on the floor in rage. make it happen!